OUR CONNECTION

By Mary Beth K- Adoptive Mother

Corresponding with someone that you may never have met is a difficult task. In itself, let alone that "someone "being the birth parent of your child. The first request for an update from our daughter's birth mother came seven months after she was placed with us, I received a telephone call from Grace a former Social Work Supervisor at Adoption ARC, and was informed that Sarah's Birth Mother wanted to know how our daughter was doing.

I felt nervous, yet curious at the same time. What should I say to this woman? How long should my letter be? After all, she had chosen my husband and me to be the adoptive parents of her daughter- and we had agreed to send her photo and letter updates of Sarah on an "as requested" basis. Within one week, I embarked upon writing the letter. I  put aside my insecurities and fear and decided to provide this extraordinary woman with a letter befitting of an old friend.

I began by letting her know how happy our family and friends are for us- thanks to her decision to place Sarah for adoption with us. I gave her a detailed description of what a typical day with Sarah consisted of in our household. I told her what Sarah was doing, what she seemed to like and dislike, and how fortunate we feel to have such a wonderful child. Enclosed with our letter were several recent photographs taken of Sarah with and without other family members.

A second request from the birth mother for photos came three months later. Once again, I provided a detailed account of what our daughter was up to- along with photographs, and mailed it off to Adoption ARC, That was almost 2 and one half years ago.

Today, our lives continue to be blessed with a daughter who "keeps us on our toes". I look back on how I felt initially when the birth mother requested a letter and photographs from us. I felt anxious and insecure back then. I no longer feel anxious and insecure that our child will be taken from us. She is and will always be our daughter.

It is our job as adoptive parents to follow through with update letters to Birth Parents that are warm and informative of how their biological child is doing. These individuals may not be personal friends of ours but we should treat them as such. Their sacrifice helped to enrich, not only our lives, but also the lives of their biological children.

If you ever receive a telephone call from Adoption ARC, requesting photos and letter for your child's birth parents, please do not hesitate in sending them in. Provide a heart-felt , engaging account of what is going on in the life of your child. Give photos! It will help to alleviate some of the pain and loss that the birth parent is experiencing, and it will make them feel more secure with their difficult decision. It's the least we can do. I can not imagine my life without Sarah. She is my heart!

PS.. In November, 2005, Mary and Andrew, her husband welcomed another child into their family, a son named Ethan who, like his sister, Sarah, joined the family through adoption! Mary continues her openness with Ethan's birth mom, Susan.

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