What Is A Birthmother
By Tene' HowardWhen you look at me, you see a woman who gave her baby away. A woman who must not care enough about her child to keep him/ her. I am the woman who gave you the most precious gift in the world, the gift of a child. The following excerpts are true accounts of the lives of birthmothers.
Upon my first meeting with her, I was amazed by her fortitude and perseverance. Before me stood a 12-year-old African American girl raped by her mother's boyfriend. As this demure, immature 12-year-old approached me, I could not help but notice that this was a child snatched from one of the few things that she owned in this world - her innocence. Currently, she was living in her grandmother's care due to her mother being in prison. Throughout her pregnancy, my job and obligation as a social worker was to encourage the family to seek out as many resources to benefit the client's well being. It was obvious to me that her trauma and behaviors needed to be addressed by a professional therapist who focuses on children who have been sexually abused. Her grandmother did not fully appreciate the significance of this problem and how much she would benefit in the long run from counseling. Throughout my sessions with her, I realized how much her life was going to change. Once she experienced child birth and the journey she was going to embark upon, her life as she once knew it was never going to be the same. It seemed to me that the adults in her life had failed her miserably due to the division of family. As a result of this horrific act of violence and negligence, the most cherished gift one can give - a child - will hopefully bring joy and happiness to a very deserving family.......
I am a 32-year-old Caucasian woman, pregnant and unprepared to be a parent. I am college educated and currently unemployed due to some unfortunate circumstances. The father of my child and I are still together, and he supports any decision that I make. He also is not in a position to parent and feels that adoption would be the best plan for the baby. I know you're wondering why or how I could give my child away just because the baby wasn't planned. But instead of judging my decision, understand that I love my daughter more than anything in this world. She deserves a family who can provide financial and emotional support and stability. At this point in my life, I can not give her the best. It is for this reason that this adoption plan was made. It was made out of love and respect for one of the most special treasures in the world, a child. As I strove to better understand how the effect of my decision will impact upon a family, I also learned what impact it will have on my child. When I met the family at time of placement, they were so appreciative and overwhelmed with love and joy for the gift of my daughter. Having been allowed to see this interaction between the family and my daughter, I gained a sense of peace and the reassurance that I was making the right choice. I think if I hadn't had that chance and time with the adoptive family and my daughter, I believe doubts and insecurities would have arisen. Thank you for giving me the time I needed to grieve properly and also to share one of the most sacred moments between a parent and a child - bonding......
This is my third pregnancy and I find myself not able to care for this child financially or emotionally. I've placed my last child with your agency due to my unfortunate history of drug abuse. I never thought that I could put myself through that process of grief and loss again. Nevertheless, this decision that I am making is probably the best thing I could give my child. I am currently living with a friend of the family because I could not afford to make ends meet. I currently am working and hoping to find a home to provide a better life for the child I have with me. I ask myself what kind of life the adoptive parents will give my child, I just ask that they give him the love and support that he deserves. I can not tell you the feeling that I get when I see a parent and a child together. I can not help but wonder if my child is happy and well loved. I made a decision at the time of making an adoption plan that I would not have any contact with the family. At this point in my life, I don't feel like I would be able to handle having any interaction with the adoptive family. Once my child is old enough to ask questions and can understand why I placed him for adoption, then and only then, will I feel it necessary to tell him and the adoptive family the reasons that led me in this direction. At that time, I will share with him the strength and the love that enabled me to make this choice........
Three very different women, three very different circumstances, all making a selfless choice to bless someone else with the gift of life...........